Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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