She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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