i love accidental penises.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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