Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my sisters under your porch take her home
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize