I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
