Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate all girls vehemently.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
