watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
