singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
so much tequila, so little girl.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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