I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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