The best revenge is premature balding
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
