accomplished twins. life is a go
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
