That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
