so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Less talking, more tequila
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
