Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
