Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I see more hoeing in ur future
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
