At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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