Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
