whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
