no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
