I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
