My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
