If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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