i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
