need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
