Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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