I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
