i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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