You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I am naked and annoyed.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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