A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
