Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
