Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
