You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
