the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize