no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
