Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There r osticjed everywhere
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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