i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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