i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
