So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
