Heybabeimwearingurpanties
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
