I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
