my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
