You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
nutella sex= disaster
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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