My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
