I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
