She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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