I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
