hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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