Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
