kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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