please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize