shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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