well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
