My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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