I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
