I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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