he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
