don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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