so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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