Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
She needs sedatives and a leash
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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