Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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