You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
