omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
