I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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