i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I forget how to act sober
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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