You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
