I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
