come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
