Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
