Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
