They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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