Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
